idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
