Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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