I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize