spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
