So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
