yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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