He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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