i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
