ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
