Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
