I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize