You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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