thus making me awesome and them whores
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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