I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
