i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
