Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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