I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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