what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it hurts more in the daytime
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
