I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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