I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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