I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
