Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
