he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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