Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
