I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize