How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
