I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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