When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
