I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
