just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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