for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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