I got chris browned last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.