Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Randomize
Follow @tfln