I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.