just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.