we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.