I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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