I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
