Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
