Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
