dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
