I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
