Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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