you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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