just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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