Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
