you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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