i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a beard to bite.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
