Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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