but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
