Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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