She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
