My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Bring me that man meat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
