i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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