Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
