dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
