I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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