I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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