I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
