Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize