walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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