Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
