do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
