thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
