The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
