those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
