I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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