Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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