I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
