im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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