your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
