His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
